The Albany Poetry Workshop Interactive Forum


Forum I : Poem for the End of the Century

Please read the poem and comments below, and then join us in a discussion of this poem by adding your comments. You may wish to comment upon the poem directly, or comment on the other comments.


Christine Howry-Crockett

The Desertion

i.

This is where he lets me off,
The miles of field
stretching out like sand
into four invisible oceans.
And the wind, blue
and free of dust,
spiraling through the wheat.
And the only road
is the one he drives away on.

My belly shifts
with a new weight, which twists
on its side, like a sneer.
And we are all he has left
alive, and my shoes
are the end of his story.

ii.

I squat low into the weight
of myself and rock you,
unborn child.  I tell you
how little there is
to fear, that the dark
will be gentler
than a womb.  And a moon
will float out of the wheat
like a god, so that when
we are born into separate lives
we won't be afraid
of the light.

iii.

This morning the sky
was an echo.
I've walked away from it
into more wind,
into this landscape filled
with nothing, not even
silence. And as the blank
face of the sun begins
to flatten over this field,
I am still walking
away form it, still moving out
of the world.

iv.

This is what we are whispering
to ourselves: Moon. Wheat. Wind.
And my feet are the hollows
I've left in this field.
And you, child, are the skin
of a man I loved.
And my face is a glass
in which you would know yourself
even if you were broken.
And this wind is a memory which
never comes back.
And my eyes are the close
of our story.

February, 1999


Christine Howry-Crockett's questions:

Is the third section effective, or even necessary to the poem?

Is the voice honest or too abstract to reach the reader?

It is meant to be a "lament"--the more obvious lament for an unborn child/ a lost lover--but also the loss of innocence, of romantic vision, of hope. Does it work at all on this universal level?


the first stanza is the strongest. because: the siting is absolutely concrete. This takes place IN TIME, sets up a meter or metric or situatedness for the poem. When you back away from this hard specificity, as you naturally do, as we all would, (a basic move of emotional coping) the poem loses that initial texture, immediacy. so. the location, the being-there of the narrator should resonate as strongly in the rest of the poem.
luke <lphinney@virginia.edu>
charlottesville, VA USA - Wed Sep 27 19:46:02 2000
I certaily felt the lamentation in your poem. Your imagery is creative. When I consider your poem, I see you are guilding my minds eye through the scene as if it were a movie I was seeing. But I also noticed you wanted to lead me through your thoughts as well. So as a reader I get a bit overwhelmed with the poem trying to decide what is wishes to be. I would like to "see" all of this with out sound, like a silent movie and let the actions tell me what is going on with this woman. I think this is a great draft that needs a little tightening and better flow between stanzas. You have touched on a very hot topic that is ending the century: father's who do not take responsiblity for their children. But, as your poem demonstrated, the woman's voice is so important. Thanks. EMS
E. M. Strong
USA - Tue May 30 13:35:27 2000
Christine, I like the poem becuase in some ways it is an open question, both specific and universal. It can be interpreted subjectively by the reader and yet hold meaning for any women facing motherhood alone. I hate to be a dissenting voice, but the stanza that gave me the most trouble and which I found confusing was not iii but ii, specially the line "the dark will be gentler than the womb." You have a tight, crisp style that is also warm and embracing. Thank you
Stephanie Douglas <sdouglas@hc.itas.net>
Breadalbane, PEI Canada - Sun Apr 2 07:55:19 2000
Great poem Christine. One of the comments said that the reader has to bring much to the poem. I'd like to suggest that this is one of your poem's strengths. The occasion is clear and imagery detailed but yet the poem conveys the universal experiences of ending and beginning anew.
kiki
Barbados - Sat Feb 12 23:25:48 2000
Christine- I loved this piece. I love your voice and your imagery, two things I look for in any good writing. Favorite parts- "the wind, blue and free of dust, spiraling through the wheat. And the only road the one he drives away on." This is clear and crisp and communicates the loss and the openness of an empty world-beautiful and nicely done and not overdone. "we are all he has left alive, and my shoes are the end of his story"- now to me there is a hint of the sinister here, and maybe I am reading into it something more than you intended- but also I don't really care what the meaning is- the emotional impact exists outside your intention anyway- and that holds true for the 'shoes the end of his story'- no idea what that means but it carries an emotional resonance that I love. All of stanza two, except I might cut "unborn child" or replace it with something a little less accessible or clear- it's too obvious for me. Moon out of the wheat like a god is dead on. Stanza three-you are right-don't need it, but also if you hadn't said anything about it it wouldn't have stood out as weak, but it only communicates the loneliness- which is saturating the rest of the piece already. Stanza four is where you really kill me, and it is absolutely perfect. What a gift you have. Thank you for sharing. Keep up the good work. Scott
Scott Odom <syodom@thegrid.net>
USA - Thu Dec 23 11:55:21 1999
I just want to say that I think this is a beautiful and wonderful poem. Thank you for sharing it here.
Sierra
USA - Sat Dec 4 12:39:23 1999
This poem is complete from beginning to end. The imagery flows like the wind, and the wheat and moon serve as metaphors: life, growth, changes, cycles, the end of a day into morning. This is a very well written, thought out poem. I especially liked the reference to shoes as the "end of his story" and wrapping that image up with the last stanza "And my eyes are the close/of our story. It suggests that she will move on without the shoes that weigh her down ( the man who left her). Her eyes, the way she sees is hers only. He cannot take away her sight. She sees better tomorrows. Eyes see and shoes tread upon surfaces, leaving indentations--some noticeable and some not as noticeable. This man left a mark. But her eyes (note the poets use of i's to separate two stanzas at a time--possibly the two stanzas representing herself and the child separate from the man who left her behind. This is a great poem. Good work!
Barbara Knowlton
USA - Tue Sep 7 12:55:43 1999
Dear Christine; I just found this site today. I love how your poem begsins: "This is where he lets me off"--this brings us into the present moment atmosphere of the poem. I thought the description of the surrounding landscape was very effective, balanced in its abstraction and clarity. I love how your belly twists into a "sneer"--this lets us know all is not lost, there is more life and you are carrying it. I think saying you are "all he has left" takes away from this strong statement. His desertion seems enough for me to know. I think the line re: shoes being the "end of his story" also takes me away from the wonderful tension of end/beginning. I think the third stanza is a good continuation of the poem but the language becomes unclear. The "sky is an echo"---of what? I feel I would like to hear something concrete. "filled with nothing--not even silence" then I want to know more about this "nothing"-- I think more concrete language, allowing us to know the narrator better would add to the quality of "lament"---the contradiction there being the more personal, the more universal. I think your poem works well in responding to the assignment. The end and the beginning of things seems inherent here.
Bobbi Lurie
USA - Wed Jul 28 11:27:43 1999
You carry his future in your belly (progeny) so your shoes are walking the rest of his future in that he has chosen not to. Beyond this, is the fact that in driving off intothe sunset, he has effectively ended any more knowledge his child will have of him. His mother will have nothing more to tell. In this way his story ends as well. The third to me is the only tie to the milennia, vast future that she embraces even though she can't at this time put any value to it. She only knows that she must move forward through time and space despite any more appealing realities or fantasies. The whole poem to me speaks of moving forward. I do not hear a lament, even though she obviously feels a loss. I don't see her staying, choosing, wallowing in this loss. She is in forward like the milenia. There are many strong lines in this poem, and I believe it has enough to be complete, even though the reader must bring much to the reading.
Joyce Heon
USA - Sat Jun 19 15:42:36 1999
If you think the third section is ineffective, it probably is. The voice is not too abstract. It is abstract just enough. If the unborn child were abstracted more, the shifted weight line is difficult, that might be more effective. You mispell from as form. There is a voice here, for a subject matter that could easily have become maudlin. I read the poem through only once, but the voice remained constant. Voice is the number one criteria.
Chester Morrison <chesmor@worldnet.att.net>
USA - Tue May 25 16:19:39 1999
She has been clearly abandoned by a cheat. She believed in him expecting a life-long company. She dreamt of having a baby fathered by him. But he deserted the love she nurtured in him. Nowhere to go she sees the four sides as four endless oceans. When she wakes up to the day, she hopes to see the warmth of the rising sun but she again, in her despondency, distances herself from the ray of light. The struggle of an innocent woman longing for true love is still endless even at close of the century. Will she ever achieve her freedom from the clutches of male ego? Cannot this Human free from the bondage of bodily lust? ----This is what I interpret from this poem. If I am correct I hope you have reached some of the readers.
Bijja Rathnashikamani <rashima@mailcity.com>
Kalpakkam, Chennai, TN India - Sat May 1 04:29:25 1999
the poem works quite effectively at the elucidation of its objective, but it goes beyond them : one is left less with absolute loss and more with an abstract of the pastoral idea of immortality - cf milton's lycidas i've gotta go but i'll reread & try and be more specific later
markfyfe <markfyfe@compuserve.com>
uk - Thu Apr 8 03:39:01 1999
Hi Christine-- I'll begin by saying I like your imagery---it addresses the "universal" you ask about---wheat field --universal food source--the speaker is concerned with "feeding" unborn child---also desolate (empty) setting and the four directions (it can only get better from here scenario) and I think this poem does work as a lament---the voice is not a problem for me--but I do have questions as to some of the language specifically----stanza 1-- I thought the four oceans were possible directions, but if the only road is the one--then this is not so---also why are your shoes the end of his story--I'm still thinking about this one--if he drove away--isn't his story still going on? as for the speaker--she has his child--so has to continue his story at least in this aspect. As for the question about stanza 3---you touch on something in the last line that I would like to see developed more---why is the speaker moving out of this world? what world? She is describing (and is in) a liminal world due to her distress? So is she leaving this in-between world and getting closer to reality--or does she know yet? I don't think all the unsaids have to be clarified, but I still feel like there is some developing this poem wants to do---it seems in that in-between stage of the universal and the specific--but there doesn't have to be a difference. I would suggest purge-writing and then another edit---I think there is more the poem wants to say. the poem has some lovely phrases and as I mentioned--imagery---but for me---the unanswered questions of the statements are problematic---this is obviously a terribly complicated set of issues and I would like to see more of them a little more clearly from the speaker's view.
gwyn
USA - Sat Feb 27 23:50:48 1999