If it were up to me If it were up to me I would live where you live in a small dark corner of your soul mornings I would water the roses and the poppies, and even the wild flowers that grow on the banks of your rememberings to the left, after you pass the bridge of adversity (in the blue room, the one you had sealed off until I arrived like a tropical cyclone, and you opened the windows...) if it were up to me, I would embed myself in your left ventricle that I might be part of the skein of your illusions I would stroll through the red of your blood, and to your lungs bring orange blossoms, fragrant carnations, honeysuckle I would breathe the air of your days, the jazmin of your nights would request unlimited passport, walk here, there, hallucinated traveler, through your interiors eternal passenger in the train of your dreams if it were up to me you would never go away we would become the horror, the shame of our children the laughter of the old, the song of the nightingale if it were up to me, my god, my love, my lord if it were up to me ------------------------------------------ si por mi fuera si por mi fuera viviría allí donde tú vives en una esquinita oscura de tu alma y en las mañanas regaría las rosas y las amapolas, y hasta las flores silvestres que crecen a las orillas de tus recordares a la izquierda, pasando el puente de tus sinsabores (en el cuarto azul, aquel que habías clausurado hasta que yo llegué como ciclón del trópico, y abriste las ventanas...) si por mi fuera, me incrustaría en tu ventrículo izquierdo para ser parte de la madeja de tus ilusiones me pasearía por el rojo de tu sangre, y a tus pulmones llevaría azahares, claveles fragantes, madreselva respiraría el aire de tus días, el jazmín de tus noches pediría pasaporte ilimitado, andaría por ahí, viajera alucinada, en tus interioridades pasajera eterna en el tren de tus sueños si por mi fuera no te apartarías nunca seríamos el horror, la vergüenza de los hijos la risa de los ancianos, el canto del ruiseñor si por mi fuera, mi dios, mi amor, mi dueño si por mi fuera
I write in Spanish as well as English. This is translated from the Spanish, and I have appended the original version in Spanish. Spanish is much more
florid, in particular in love poetry. I want to know whether it 'works' in English.
Silvia Antonia,
I read your poem in English before reaching your questions. I think it works; you are able to create the inner life inside your beloved in such a way to make it credible. Your mingling realistic imagery with, bllod, the heart and, then, flowers, the bank of the river, the blue room: effective and convincing. A very good love poem, the very essence of love: to live one inside the other. I also read your original version in Spanish. Yes, Spanish is more passionate, the same sounds acquire and add intensity. You did a great job with this translation. I too write both in Italian and English, but can't translate my own creations; the poems thought and felt in English are somehow different from the Italian ones, thus I have given up all attempts to translate and write according to the voice I hear and the language it speaks. Your two versions do work and you were able to keep the impact of the original. Thank you for this double enjoyment. Paula
Paula Grenside <l.marchesin@oderzo.nettuno.it>
Oderzo, Italy - Fri Sep 24 21:29:27 1999
Readers: You may wish to contact Silvia Antonia Brandon privately with your ideas about this poem.