An early sun set in your eyes A long low moon arose To watch the places of your life Where your movements, like vapors Caress pathways left by words you spoke Trellises laden with your smiles Glistening in prisms of your tears Shrouded in a late evening fog We meet in this clockless garden When the unneedled compass of my heart Finds you waiting near the iron gate Where guardian moonbeams anoint you Spreading your scent, softening the darkness That covered me upon your leaving And I, awash in you lagoon, glisten Midnight reflections in the only dance we know
Les Blough's Questions:
1. Is the poem too personalized? Would it be better written in the third person rather than the first?
2. Are the images sufficiently disparate?
3. Are the images, phrases and words trite?
4. Any other comments?