Encrypted, Help Needed Soft thumping sounds Outside the door, Entrance sought. Quick drumming starts In cadence set Rhythmed rainfall. Fast footfalls ascend On stairway tread Sanctuary achieved. Door latch catches In empty house Isolation intended. Container lid snaps On pill- filled bottle Relief expected. Life effort thwarted In dark day spirit Death absolute. Today the body of a young man Was discovered in a room Of any place, in any town Where life is used up in cruelty. A note left on the door, or On the desk, or in his hand Stated that...he couldn't take it, He wasn't loved, he lost his will He hated life, or it must be better Elsewhere. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust This dust was once a man Pained but still alive When Hope no longer found A partner in desire, He simply died in his way.
Celeste A. Cafasso's Questions:
Is the use of two differing formats acceptable without losing the significance of the action of the first part?
Is the second part too preachy in evaluating the first part?
What is the overall effect , emotional response to the poem? ( did it "work")
Let Me Be Rushing When life comes thundering As wild mustangs, Tearing up the ground Into clouds of dry dust, Choking the living out of life, Or when this demand and That duty requires full attention Causing neglect of restoration To the energy of oneself In using up reserves, Perhaps it is the opportune time To put the stops on rush rushing And re-evaluate the truer reason For living, giving , taking, making, Caring, sharing, seeing , being. Rush rush me to tomorrow And I lose today's treasure. Chop, slice and dice my day Into controllable parts, I lose the totality of it. Though I be trembling now In anxious tenuous activity,. Let me continue to give the impression Of some dynamo engrossed in Life One rush rushed minute at a time.
Celeste A. Cafasso's Questions:
Is the image of mustangs left dangle? Would an image of rush hour traffic perhaps been more appropriate?