Swim Sunny summer afternoons I would strip to my skin And squish my toes Through the gray flats in The cove behind my house. The tide crept unsuspecting, Inching closer as overhead The gull was detecting Something odd about me. The air was heavy as liquid. The insects chirped loud And behind a rock hid A mouse watching. The sun caressed my skin As the tide rose higher I turned and dove in. The icy cold pierced my being With a thousand pins Refreshing every part of me. I draped myself in a towel wind.
C.Lawry Brown's Questions:
I am trying for a different effect here. As per suggestions, I am trying to
use a more slant rhyme than a perfect one. I am trying to achieve it here. I
also want this to be a poem of senses, feel, smell, etc. Do I achieve what I
set out to do? Is my rhyme slant enough or is it still too close? I welcome
all your comments. Thank You.