Art is in the dreaming Stretched canvas waits patiently Anticipating the first caress Of sable hair brush Upon white skin Paper anticipates release From boredom of empty staves Full of silence Brushed stroke, brushed curve Remembrances of scenes unfolding Saturated colours filled with light Stand out against white spaces of emptiness Notes drawn with precision On a time continuum grid Containing preset durations Notated hieroglyphics Will only be deciphered By the inner circle Canvas breathes completion Upon itself and prepares To be viewed, admired, critiqued By gallery visitors Who care to listen To what they see Double bar line indicates 'End of opus' Musical score Must now be recognized by instruments Willing to become an aural experience For listeners about to embrace the moment Art is in the dreaming.
Paul Copeland's Questions:
This is my first 'serious' poem.
I am struggling with the sentence
"Remembrances of scenes unfolding" Perhaps this is a bit too cliched. I would like to change this line but to what?
The verse commencing "Notes drawn with precision is perhaps a little heavy. Does it need lightening up?
In the first draft of the poem I used the word 'the' a lot, but then removed it For example 'The stretched canvas waits patiently 'The paper anticipates release Does the poem scan well without the words 'the' at the beginning?
PS. Many of my musical compositions (neo-classical, popular, avant garde) can be found at http//www.geocities.com/Vienna/1153/ (This is a GEOPLUS FEATURED site that has received the Vienna Award. It is also a crescendo stream site and a LIVE AUDIO streaming site)
Arrangements of mine of Christian songs can be found at http//www.pastornet.net.au/kmusic