But Rested Lips She speaks a lolling language of the limb, The meter is a set of measured throes; Her draping arches sway with careful whim The rolling rythmn of her living prose. Her flowing bones are verb in turning hymn - But rested lips remain in loose repose. Smooth grammars both a beauty and a barrier make Which I, for want of courage, cannot hope to break.
Timothy Saint's Questions:
While I am pleased with each line individually, it feels to
me as though they fail to flow into one another. Is this apparent to you
as well? On reflection I think it would be best to have the first five
lines roll smoothly out of one another, suggesting the smooth movement
of the woman - then the sixth line, "But rested lips..." is disjointed,
impressing on the reader a break between lips and body. Comments?
Language and movement are tied together in the poem. I'd be interested to hear people's comments on this aspect of the poem on any level - does it work? Does it improve the poem? What does it signify to you?
Finally, the closing couplet concerns me. It identifies the author - but turns somewhat forcefully away from the rest of the poem. I'd love to hear opinions on its presence and execution.