Curing hemophilia Of a questionable lack of passion- on cool, Fall evenings during golden hour-all cornsilk-like and seeping in the rich hues of the dark red-orange-yellowness upon dancing leaves. My hollow unsatisfaction is unforgivable. yet I've run out of the warmth you left in your austere fingers playing etudes with my heart. I'm on my journey for that substance in my soul again. So here's a new approach: cold. Stiff fingers against my cheek and crickets and birds musical all around me- one unnerving, potential, dangling branch is upside down in a maple presently devoured by Red. And never ceasing to regard the golden rays dissoling to blue-greys, allowing the trees to boast their subtle brilliance furthermore stuns me the robin- Red, too-like the trees. And the preparation of the transition to darkness steals away the flies, the moths to Red glows of the warmth they need like me. And after a while it all tastes very sweet. And the finish off-the end of it all: an incongruous yellow leaf falls from that shaky branch which is capsizing and hangs now by hairs of bark, but even so, that golden tissue glides down, bouncing off the wind, resting itself delicately on the spears of green grass. And almost as a replacement emerges Venus through the darkening melt of sky; I think that she is a strong one, too. I imagine myself curling my fingers over the keys- very 'dolce'-and not smelling that skin right behind your ears, under your mass of Red that delicious mix of sensuality and captivating sweetness. but I think that the Reds of Fall have you beaten. I long for the taste of my own music to linger again on my lips, replacing the intensity of your Baroque tonics. And I'm weeping. It's cold. I'm drowning in my own tub of renewel and am washed away of the Red of re-opening wounds flowing freely out.
Caroline Seagle's Questions:
1.) Is the comparison of his red hair with the red of nature presented
2.) Does the reader feel the sense of imagery I am trying to present in the first half? Can you see the colours and the tree branch "dangling"?
3.) Does the title make sense to the reader? I am trying to use Hemophilia (a defective disorder when blood is unable to clot) as a metaphor for the "open wound" he left, am I am trying to portray this idea in something as simple as the colour of his hair. What do you think about this?
4.) This poem is meant to show a personal escape through nature-is that made clear?
5.) I'm still learning. Any other critical suggestions would be greatly appreciated.