Featured Guest Poet Pradeep Mane
a woman begging
she looked at me with eyes of
a ravaged hut
empty pans &
stomach cramps that
birth abundantly cursed her with.
i looked at her inquisitively.
she was no beggar.
the words were trapped in her mouth
in a whisper that laboured
the treadmill of pity.
stalks that once curved the wind
grew out of her sleeves-
yes those very straws
were now stretched out
one clutched to her empty breast
the other innocently
lost in his mother's wandering.
her feet dragged on the tar
like a yoke; cajoling the
spurn of the death sown earth.
yes these very streets that
pimp our living.
i stared at
her youth scythed
in a dry plain that atlases
choreographed as unnecessary.
an existence unnoticed
by the arrogance
of big city.
i but died. yeah! died
like i do
this death is
everyday living here.
Pradeep Mane's Questions:
i. i have tried to bring out the starkness of rural living as
unnoticed by a city dweller. does it show thru?
ii. do the metaphors work? are they universal? or they seem Indian.
iii. and the sermonising at the end does it screw up the rest?
I loved this poem! I enjoyed the metaphores very much. However, the "stalk in the wind" becoming her arms did confuse me somewhat. But the overall tone of the poem...WOW. i FELT her.
USA - Tue Feb 26 13:11:20 2002
dear megan, thank you. yes you are right that stanza jars. how about : her arms, those maizestalks that once curved the wind now straws stretched out in supplication......... thank you once more. regards pradeep
pradeep n mané
mumbai (bombay), m.s. india - Wed Feb 27 07:31:53 2002
i. i have tried to bring out the starkness of rural living as unnoticed by a city dweller. does it show thru? ii. do the metaphors work? are they universal? or they seem Indian. iii. and the sermonising at the end does it screw up the rest? Wow, Deepu, U really made a picture come alive thru ur graphic account in this lovely poem. Yes, it very much shows thru...even to the most insensitive it makes a sensitive point. The metaphors do work...even though at times more Indian, yet what's wrong with that? And, the sermonising at the end...No it does not screw up the effect of the poem, but it sure gives away that this is "Deepu's" pen speaking!!!
India - Wed Mar 6 09:50:53 2002
Reading your poem..I began to mind-travel....Please please DO NOT change anything about your poem...Invigorating and intensely honest at the same time....No..do not doubt including the Indian references...they make it it all the more real....Continue...for I look forward to reading more of your stimulating work.
USA - Thu Mar 28 11:33:23 2002
Very impressive! Continue writing! Good job!
USA - Sun Apr 7 18:41:04 2002