Featured Guest Poet Miguel Sanchez
i want to be return to the womb
and become menstual blood
running down my mother's leg.
i want to join the vortex
that spins our universe
and drain the eye of the storm.
send me to the charnel grounds
so i can be reborn
and held again.
let this soft skin
return to the leather sky.
may my bones be dropped
and my soul like the souls
Miguel Sanchez's Questions:
Does it seem self-contained or does it seem incomplete?
Is the "pun" in the second verse obvious?
I have been working on this poem for two years now. Do i need to continue?
charnel got me.....I find this poem to be finished, and one that I might read and re-read again and again.
USA - Fri May 25 05:01:55 2001
The title seems to explain what the poem is about. The theme of rebirth occurs in almost all literatures and religions. However it is not clear to me WHY you want to be born again.You also call it "Born Again" as though the process has occurred when actually you are merely entertaining the idea. The imagery is very vivid and original but the intended meaning of "vortex" is not immediately apparent. Obviously you want to blend with the elements in the universe.Then you speak of charnel grounds. Do you mean charnel house? I find the first and last stanzas very powerful but the second and third have these references that elude me. How is the sky "leather"? That is an odd metaphor for something so vaporous and blue as the sky. Do the souls of mice fly in any sense? This is a very moving poem in its supplication and it makes its plea by comparison with some very original similes so that you really want to understand it. There are some typos and misspellings. On the whole I enjoyed reading the poem and read it several times. "return" should be "returned". "menstrual" is misspelled. Do you mean "drain" or "drains" What is the subject of the verb? Keep writing.
USA - Sat May 26 08:41:42 2001
Although there are some mixed messages in this piece, I think it holds power nonetheless. As far as the "pun" in the second stanza, I though of water draining out of a tub (the universal result of gravity and vortex) coupled with the old saying of throwing out the baby with the bath water. How close am I
Larry L. Fontenot
USA - Sat May 26 11:38:08 2001
A poem is never finished it is always in the process of being. I read yours and I found that yours has a lot of potential and the energy behind it is very strong. I am to give you some suggestions to help you focus more. Take them or leave them. Are you talking about escaping this harsh world and going back through rebirth into a softer one,or simply want to leave this world to be born back into its harshness again? Your poem contains contradictory use of metaphorical images,especially in the second stanza "And held again" this brings to mind words like warmth/love/attention/care "Send me to the charnel grounds" sends to the mind image of death and decay "So I can be reborn" /to witness your own birth and all the joys of welcoming hugs. "Let this soft skin" / baby "return to the leather sky"/ how? leather whenit ought to be cotton fluffy. I can't see the connection between the choice of images you have chosen, or should I say the choice of words to represent your images. Last stanza souls /pure eternal/light/ and then you chose mice./ mold darkness stuffy. In the first stanza there are some typos return-ed menstual>ought to be menstrual and women have two legs. None of us has yet pulled the stunt of having menstrual blood drip along one of her leg only:)) I would like to read a rewrite if it is possible. As I said take it or leave it.
Lebanon - Tue May 29 02:41:21 2001
Quick answers: Leg instead of legs because of the sound and finallity and focus of it. I am the subject of drain. I am draining the storm of I. Who is to say that all souls dont fly or do? I am saying they do. You can say they dont. Who really knows? Quantum physics implies we are all the same and all have consciousness. Vortex: eye of the storm, universe, sub atomic particles, planets, the cycle of life- all is spinning and i dont see it as only water and yet we are water, mostly and storms and tears are mostly so. back to or forward to leather sky, the sky can be hard as some plane rides have proven. I mean charnel grounds, as I understand them. That is a field where your body is left for the vultures. As in Tibet. This is what I have learned I have not been there but the idea fascinates me. The idea of charnel grounds. I agree the title is confusing. And maybe so am I.
USA - Fri Jun 1 22:35:06 2001