Guest Poet Liz Leidel
Frame
You frame me; form following form;
mine following yours,
which is an unmarked path in an unmarked land.
The secret slopes I discover as you sleep
while you just lie there waiting patiently
to be colonized.
I've stopped and set up camp in your embrace
so that I may survey my new surroundings
and even if I depart I've left my mark
for neither territory nor explorer will escape untouched.
Expeditions such as these do not allow for an easy withdrawal
and such a sturdy frame is hard to break.
You frame me; form following form;
mine becoming yours.
June, 2002
Liz Leidel's questions:
is the comparison too cliche?
are there any expressions that are lacking (ie-make verbs more active, make adjectives more descriptive or fresh)
are there any blatant breaks in the flow of the poem?
how affective is the alliteration? have i gone overboard?
....and of course anything else you have to add. dont be afraid to be harsh. i will be very appreciative.
thanks
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